I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I need to sanitize my soul.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
