The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
bring money and cleavage
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
