If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
