My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I cockslap morals
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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