Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
