yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
