90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
