THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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