Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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