so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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