it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
