i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
We were destined to go to rehab together
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
