I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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