apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
