physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
