i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
