Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
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