the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
