Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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