he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize