Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
