There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Randomize