I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize