So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
