Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
