Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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