Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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