just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
