true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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