I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
