seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
