I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
