i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
