I'm going to jail i love you
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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