I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
birth control should be required to get into college
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
