so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
