You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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