What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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