Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
