and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize