She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize