I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
