did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
