remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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