hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Randomize
