Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
