I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
