i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
