his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
