do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
