Umm I'm too high to move.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
