I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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