y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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