I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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