i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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