just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize