"it" just moved
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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