Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
