I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
