Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize