You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
My vagina is officially offended.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
