I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
