I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize