i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I need to calm my uterus...
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
