How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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