I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
