1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
